i dunno...
ever since young...i see love as "Love"...sumthg so sweet, so beautiful.
am always a dreamy kind of person...where i'll dream of having a beautiful little family...wif a very loving husband n daddy to my children. a daddy i choose specially for my dear children. :)
at 1point...i lost all these feelings...counting my days to finish up my degree n working overseas. but seeing all d love in my beautiful working place...it is all back.
but where am i now?
im lost now...after a short relationship of 45days...a relationship tat i thought was love n was everythg 2me. i really thought he was d1 tat i was praying for. following d thoughts tat my heart beat so fast for...bcoz of him. but little did i know, everythg was jz wat i thought. d beat from my heart, i guess it was a warning to stay away :( 'im sorry my dear heart...i misunderstood!'
:) well...it was not all bad...it was beautiful...it was...maybe my expectations r too high.
i use to love dreams in my sleep...beautiful dreams :P when u wake up, realizing its jz a dream...u'll hv a brand new wish of d dream coming true. :)
but in reality...its really not like that. its not tat easy to accept a real life dream tat ended. :( i guess...love can really make ppl do stupid thgs...thgs tat i myself cant believe i did to myself to keep d dream going. i was stupid. i lied alot to myself. giving myself all kinds of reasons so tat i could change thgs. n maybe...my dream doesnt hv to end. in d end knocked myself head real hard on d wall.' fainted** :P its d hope tat i hv tat makes me feel so stupid. its hard to forgive myself for d false hope tat i let myself carry. i allowed it. i allowed my heart to get hurt again n again. T.T
i lost my dignity...realizing all ths stupid thgs tat i did 2save d relationship. they tell me that im nothg to him. i know...i really do! hoping that its not true. but if i were, he would not hv chosen to let go n continues wif his life so happily rite? yea...stupid me!
wif ths i realize d hurts n pains tat i've brought to my 2ex-bfs. :( izit karma? wif all my heart...im so sorry!! i don't know wat is there tat i can do for u all...but i wish tat u do know, i din mean 2hurt u both at all. i know now...what it feels lk. im so sorry. T.T
everythg in my life kinda went upside down now. izit how i view thgs tat changed my view in life? where's d optimistic me? i really wish to move on. i know there's a new world waiting for me out there...but right now, can i really leave ths broken dream n move on? only God knows how weak i am. still every single minute...im proud of myself...how i kept myself happy...no matter how hard...no matter how many times i cry...
well, is ths wat life is all abt? i thk so... :)
its simple! life is abt...
1. making ourselves happy during d saddest moment of our life
2. being a fren to our heart n tears tat makes us ONE in being
3. returning to God like d prodigal son...each time we left...knowing tat He's waiting
"im sorry Jesus i left. i guess on d way, i saw a beautiful butterfly. it lead me far away from u. well, it sounded lk d butterfly's fault :P but its actually me who hv forgotten d destination tat im heading to. im sorry...help me to return yea? i know tat You're there." :)
i love You, Jesus.
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