sunflower...

i love sunflowers

it brings hope

it brings love

and

it brings happiness

Jesus said im gonna be a beautiful rose someday.

ermm...

Jesus, can i be a sunflower instead? :P

a sunflower tat will bring...

hope, love n happiness to Your people.

life worries and difficulties...

its everywhere...

i know now y my feet is stuck under d mud (see d last post)

i know now y suddenly i lose all d support tat i need

n find no one to save me...

only messengers to tell n give me faith so tat i may hv faith in You n myself...
in my loneliness...i found my true strength!! strength tat comes straight from You!!

y am i so sure tat they r messengers tat carries messages from u?

coz they r all ppl tat i do not know.

BUT they tell me "abt me"...

d funniest one is "she will be a gd wife someday"

faint***

wat a comment!! hymm...if i ever get married...

den uncle, i do hope wat u thk is right!! gd wife + gd mummy :P

..n alot more words of encouragement n words of wisdom...

from my patients...n oso even a new fren tat i met online...

words tat rings in my ear when i feel tat i dun hv any strength left...

they gave me faith in myself...tat i am able to go through watever im going through rite now in my life!

tq very very much!! n especially to Jesus...d 1 who sends them :)
"i will survive, i will hv faith, i will be strong n i will continue smilling n bring happiness to my patients!"

Amen. :)

lastly...I LOVE SUNFLOWERS!!!! :P

if only i could see ths n be there even jz for a minute...i'll be d happiest girl on earth!!

SUNFLOWERS = HAPPINESS

may d whole world be filled wif happiness, peace, hope and love... :)

The sun will come out someday...

life...
it use to be beautiful.
home...
it use to be a place where all problems would be gone.
happiness...
it use to be mine.

where do i go now?
where should i go??
they're finally getting a divorce...
a decision tat they made long long time ago
deep down, in their hearts...

why?? why is love so fragile?
why isit somethg tat one can forget n let go just lk tat?
what happen in between?
what happened to their love?
how will christmas be?
how will new year be?
how will chinese new year be?
where shall i go??
how will i ever get a chance to see my love ones gather?
...all whom i love...d only treasures tat i hv on earth
NOW i have nothing left...

i rmb...
how beautiful my life was...
will life be beautiful again?
will ppl stop leaving me?
why do i find happiness far from my reach?

i look at my patients...
yes, i find lots of strength in them...
but in the end...
i still cry myself to bed everynite
these tears...though its d opposite of happiness,
though they rob me off my smile,
they gave me strength...
they tell me... everythg's gonna be alright...

standing still,
i look to my right...
i look to my left...
i look back n hope there's somethg there...
somethg tat could at least support me for awhile,
or stay wif me till d sun comes out...
there's nothing there...
i look down,
my feet is stuck in d mud,
its dark everywhere...
n its raining...
izit showers of blessings?
after rain, should comes the sun n d rainbow rite?
i'll be waiting,
i'll be patient,
i will...

although its sunset now, i know tomorrow...d sun will rise again...

i love You, Jesus...

to my dearest patients...

"my dear patients ... be strong yea! He knows what u're going through.

'i dun wanna be sick'
... when u tell me ths, i really felt so sad. i wish tat i could gv ua big hug n its so sad tat i can't.: (
my dear, God never promise us a gd life. but He promised us tat He will always be there wif us. feel Him near u. .. feel His strength ... feel His love. "
feel ur heart my dear, its beating ... n its there wif u. .. every moment: when u're sad, when u're happy, when u're excited, when u love ... till d very last second ... know tat it will be our strength ...

Just stand up
(stand up to cancer)

The heart is stronger than you think
It's like it can go through anything
And even when you think
It can't it finds a way to still push on though
Sometimes, you want to run away
Ain't got the patience for the pain
And if you don't believe it
Look into your heart
The beat goes on

I'm tellin 'you that,
Things get better, Through whatever
If you fall...Dust it off , Don't let up
Don't you know
You can go be your own miracle
You need to know
If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you...Don't give up

Who are we to be questioning
Wondering what is what
Don't give up, through it all...Just stand up
It's like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face
Just because you go through it
Don't mean it got to take control, no

You ain't gotta find no hiding place
Because the heart can beat the hate
Don't wanna let your mind keep playin 'you
And sayin 'you can't go on
You need to know
You don't gotta be a prisoner in your mind
If you fall...dust it off
You can live your life, yeah
Let your heart be your guide

And you will know that you're good
If you trust in the good
Everything will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark
If you follow your heart
And it will get better through whatever
You got it in you...Find it within
You got in now...Find it within now

-L-O-V-E-

:) what is happening 2my life?
i dunno...

ever since young...i see love as "Love"...sumthg so sweet, so beautiful.

am always a dreamy kind of person...where i'll dream of having a beautiful little family...wif a very loving husband n daddy to my children. a daddy i choose specially for my dear children. :)

at 1point...i lost all these feelings...counting my days to finish up my degree n working overseas. but seeing all d love in my beautiful working place...it is all back.

but where am i now?

im lost now...after a short relationship of 45days...a relationship tat i thought was love n was everythg 2me. i really thought he was d1 tat i was praying for. following d thoughts tat my heart beat so fast for...bcoz of him. but little did i know, everythg was jz wat i thought. d beat from my heart, i guess it was a warning to stay away :( 'im sorry my dear heart...i misunderstood!'

:) well...it was not all bad...it was beautiful...it was...maybe my expectations r too high.

i use to love dreams in my sleep...beautiful dreams :P when u wake up, realizing its jz a dream...u'll hv a brand new wish of d dream coming true. :)

but in reality...its really not like that. its not tat easy to accept a real life dream tat ended. :( i guess...love can really make ppl do stupid thgs...thgs tat i myself cant believe i did to myself to keep d dream going. i was stupid. i lied alot to myself. giving myself all kinds of reasons so tat i could change thgs. n maybe...my dream doesnt hv to end. in d end knocked myself head real hard on d wall.' fainted** :P its d hope tat i hv tat makes me feel so stupid. its hard to forgive myself for d false hope tat i let myself carry. i allowed it. i allowed my heart to get hurt again n again. T.T

i lost my dignity...realizing all ths stupid thgs tat i did 2save d relationship. they tell me that im nothg to him. i know...i really do! hoping that its not true. but if i were, he would not hv chosen to let go n continues wif his life so happily rite? yea...stupid me!

wif ths i realize d hurts n pains tat i've brought to my 2ex-bfs. :( izit karma? wif all my heart...im so sorry!! i don't know wat is there tat i can do for u all...but i wish tat u do know, i din mean 2hurt u both at all. i know now...what it feels lk. im so sorry. T.T

everythg in my life kinda went upside down now. izit how i view thgs tat changed my view in life? where's d optimistic me? i really wish to move on. i know there's a new world waiting for me out there...but right now, can i really leave ths broken dream n move on? only God knows how weak i am. still every single minute...im proud of myself...how i kept myself happy...no matter how hard...no matter how many times i cry...

well, is ths wat life is all abt? i thk so... :)
its simple! life is abt...
1. making ourselves happy during d saddest moment of our life
2. being a fren to our heart n tears tat makes us ONE in being
3. returning to God like d prodigal son...each time we left...knowing tat He's waiting

"im sorry Jesus i left. i guess on d way, i saw a beautiful butterfly. it lead me far away from u. well, it sounded lk d butterfly's fault :P but its actually me who hv forgotten d destination tat im heading to. im sorry...help me to return yea? i know tat You're there." :)

i love You, Jesus.

meeting uncle again

:) today is 1 of my happiest practical days...
once in awhile...i will wonder "y d hell did i choose to be a nurse!!"
i mean, i can do so many other thgs...
mayb not a life saving job, but at least its a job where i dun hv 2poke anybody?

but today is certainly 1 of those days...where regrets r far behind.
i was walking back to d ward with fisherman uncle's wife (brought aunty to d cafeteria to buy food as she only ate bread for d past few days) when suddenly i feel lk i wanna look behind...bcoz at 1 glance, there's these couple who saw me n came following behind! so i turn 4a quick glance n right behind me is "uncle" n his wife...smilling naughtily. :) aunty pointed at uncle saying "hah...!!! do u still rmb him? uncle?" (aunty rmb i use to call her husband "Uncle") :P
:D of course i still rmb uncle!! i was so happy, i felt lk jumping up n down...but all i can do is smile :( coz i was really too happy! "Uncle can still rmb me after 2years?!!" uncle was my 1st cva patient. bcoz of d stroke, uncle couldnt talk or perform his daily activities. i still rmb, how sad he was bcoz of his condition.

uncle is from wat i call d higher rank society(rich ppl), but i still stubbornly call him "uncle" although strictly, we're actually not allowed to call our patients aunty/uncle/kongkong/popo. (i couldnt care much, cause calling my pt mdm/ms/sir there's these big gap btw me n them...not allowing me to treat my patients as my own family member.) n uncle is 1 of those rich ppl who din mind at all, me calling him "uncle".

ppl say, a nurse will feel very happy when they see their patient discharge. but...nowadays patient will discharge eventhough they r not fully well. there, i'll lose all contact wif d patient n left wondering how they r! :(
im really blessed 2get d chance 2meet uncle n aunty again...n knowing tat uncle can now walk, talk n is 99% well...is d best gift ever. (uncle is now under rehab)
"uncle!!! im sorry i was damn shock n happy to see u again...i was left speechless! all i could do is smile!! i really wanna tell u im so happy to know tat u r now well n gd already!! :)"
aunty gave a pat on my back n tell fisherman uncle's wife that..."she is a very gd nurse"! ahem ahem...yea...so damn bangga although fisherman uncle's wife dun und english! (hahaha :P) but...hearing tat, its really lk an energizer to me! tq so much aunty 4ur compliment...God bless you! i will always work hard n jiw you 2make ur compliment true! :)

tq Jesus 4everythg...i know tat u'll always gv me a can of red bull whenever i tired :) arigato gozaimasu Jesus!! :P

faith & strength in times of trial...

time flies...
in a short while, im now in sem5...
n im finally doing my practical again...

being a nurse, i get to meet lots of ppl...
yup! ppl who r sick lar...but...
if u really open ur eyes...u can really learn alot from them!

:( i've been eating fish 4d past 21yrs...but never once did i care to pray or thank d fishermans 4all their hardworks! i rmb getting to know during report time (passing over), how a fisherman lose his leg when he got his leg caught around a net...n when d boat tat d net was attached to drove off, it pull d fisherman along...n d next thg he knew was...he lost his leg jz lk tat! my gdness…i was thking how does it feel to lose a leg? i told myself “i must go see that uncle! i must console him! i wish i can gv him a pat on his shoulder n tell him everythg's gonna b ok! He must be really sad! :( ” when i 1st met him, he didn't wanna talk much! so i actually tried to talk to him, by taking his menu order for him. i was so shock...when he chose to eat FISH for all his 3meals...breakfast, lunch n dinner! "wat? didn't he jz lose his leg partially related to FISHes? n he still wants to eat FISH??" slowly he started talking to me. but i couldn find d courage to tell him "its ok" coz its not ok 2me! i can ask him "how r u?" n he'll say he's fine with a little smile! yea...he can still smile! :)
time past, n we started to talk more...get to know uncle is very famous! d whole kampung actually came to visit him! uncle is indeed a very nice happy go lucky person who loves to joke. so...u can guess d pat n “its gonna be ok” that I wanted to give him so much? Haha…its not applicable coz he will smile happily n joke with me! I can NEVER forget the moment he lifted n wave his amputated leg (its amputated below d knee) to me, with a naughty smile...n he said “tmr im going 2join d Olympics!!”
~oh my gdness...i almost fainted when he did tat!~
another time…again with a smile, “haiz…nvm lar…jz retire early lor, hor?!”
doesn’t it sound lk he’s comforting me instead of me comforting him?
d truth is...uncle didn’t jz lost his leg…he lose his job n income as well! but he knew, he had 2b strong!

looking at uncle...i look back n saw d "me"
...who cries over little little problems...
...who use 2grumble over what i don't hv/wat i hv to try so hard 2get...
but looking at uncle, i know how weak i am...
how wrong i am to grumble over my almost perfect life...
i know very well, in each trial...i was never alone!
yea...God did not promise a life with no worries/problems...
but He promise 2b with us...2gv us strength, 2go through each n every trial tat He permits 2happen in our life...
He promise tat He'll never leave us alone...
all we need is jz a little faith...
may God bless you uncle... :)