today i really felt lk i've won d award for d best actress of d year!
it's not d 1st time i got slap wif these statements...but today i confirmed it...
:'( how i hate myself for being such a pretender...tat i thk i've even successfully cheated my ownself.
today is 9th of july...n 1st of august is coming...
its gonna be ONE year already!!!
but...oh my gdness..."why am i so STUPID?" !!
tears still flows!! (though stopable)
heart still aches!! (though much less)
attacks still comes (though not as often)
but it is still there!!
the truth is...it is bleeding still...
coz in my head...its all full of d PAST! full!!
can i jz met an accident n forget everythg tat ever happen?
why? WHY cant i accept that wat's not mine will never be mine?
why cant i accept tat its over...n he will never come back...
its all dust to him....im jz a little bubble...
i hate myself! (1)
quite sometime ago...my patient asked me "wat makes u so cheerful all d time?"
oh shit...i felt an instant slap on my face...
but i laugh...
(b4 i go to work tat day, i was still crying)
i felt proud...tat deep within d sadness in my heart...
i did n can still bring happiness to my patients!!
"well done yvonne" i thought...(i thought!!)
today...
a patient whom i really had no gd feelings of...
tat kept me wif a frown n long mouth the whole day...
a patient tat i really dislike bcoz of her rudeness at times*
a patient tat i tell every1..."i really really kenot tahan"
tells d therapist "ehh,ths is my god-daughter...i like her"
suddenly...my breathing stops! blood rushes to my face...
ths time its not a slap, its a hit right at d face!
i felt so guilty!! i hv been a liar unconsciously...
i cheated her wif my double face...when i shud hv love her for real...
i hate myself (2)
i am d great pretender...yes, i am!! :S
i told myself i must go find janice before she go to uk...n back wif her bf, mr optic boy :)
coz i know when he's back...janice will no longer be mine...
ting2 is no longer mine...
of course i dun wanna be a light bulb...
i went home after i stop by in chemo day care n learned tat she has fly to uk...
again...d pretender laughs...while her heart cries...
she will not be able to spend time wif her fren anymore...
i went home...facing d four walls...
i look at my car...i can go out...
but i dun wan to...i went to sleep...wif a heavy heart
phone sang...msg from irene, from koko n from jie jie...
"din i wanna go out?" "din i jz dun wanna be alone?"
"NO...d sad truth is...i jz wanna be wif him"
i hate myself (3)
kong kong ask me "am i married"
haha...my usual joke..."nolar...kongkong, nobody want me"
wif muka kesian*
"I WONDER WHY PEOPLE LOVES TO ASK ME THS Q TAT I HATE TO ANS SO MUCH!"
:( kong kong say..."aiya, u're too short lar"
=.=''' kongkong, u're so bad!! :P
thanks for making my day...so plus d patient tat i didnt like,
2patients asked me/said tat i am their god-daughter... :D
so there goes Jesus giving me joy in d sadness of d heart...
tq Jesus i love ya... :)
how i wish u will grant me my only 2 wishes :'(
thanks though for everythg...i really appreciate everythg n all comments...
even "aiya, u're too short lar" :D may God bless u kong kong!
