little angels, may God bless you

today...i went home visiting at "house of joy", in puchong.

it's been a long time, i dun feel tat keen to children anymore! we were told tat we're going to visit d old folks n some children of d home. before i went, my mind was jz focusing on d old folks (i love old citizens) tat i'll b visiting n d presentation tat we're suppose to perform there.

to me, its jz work...as ths project cost 10marks, although all ths while i've always wanted to visit homes n do charities...but...i jz don't know y i dun feel anythg.

i never knew this day...wud be 1 of the memory tat i hope i'll never ever forget.

reaching there...i saw a big crowd of children of all ages (it turns out,d elderly couldn't make it 2d hse)...all warmly welcoming us with smiles, calling each n every1 of us "jie jie, jie jie". everythg was quite a mess, as we hv to change our presentation language from eng to mandarin (which is already a bad news to me as I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF MANDARIN n only 4out of 15 of my members can speak mandarin!!). as time flies...we realize most of d children could no longer give us their full attention. so, i told my group to give up after presenting to 3groups out of 5groups as d 4th group jz won't sit down n listen (wat a gd leader i am!! :P) feeling so fedup wif '''children'''!!!

"arghh, im jz terribly not good wif children! i jz dun lk children anymore! dun ask y, coz i don't know y!"

waiting for all d groups to finish presenting, some of us jz hang around wif d kids. at tat time, i met ths little gal. she wanted d door gift tat we're suppose to give out b4 v go home. but since everythg was a big mess n how i couldn't refuse ths little gal's request, i gave out d door gifts n there we were sitting wif d children chit chatting :) Questions were "How old r u jie jie?" so they started guessing our age. ths little girl, was smilling quietly, so i asked her, "wat abt u? i'll gv u ABCD n u choose k?"

n suddenly...she fly to my lap n said "i know how to sing ABCD" n she sang! :) so sweet rite? we den talk abit of nonsense, n sang about d doll keychain on d doorgift. :P i teach her n she sang after me! :) den i watch her eat...listen her repeating our presentation...watch her wash her hands...n suddenly its time to go home!! :( alrite, i was already feeling abit touched at tat time, but it was jz a bit!

she den stands up from my lap...n gave me a big hug n kiss me on my cheek! T.T

:( only God knows how i felt at tat time...

i wanted to gv her sumthg...but all i hv with me was jz a few sweets. :(

i gave her 2 (1for her n 1for her bro) but her bro din want it so i ask her to keep both. her fren suddenly fly to her n tell her "u're not suppose to eat any sweets coz u're having cough" they show faces of :P for awhile n after d gal left, another gal came n said, "i oso want!!" but to my surprise i din hv to dig out any sweets, coz she jz gv her 1 of her sweet when i ask her to share her sweet wif d jie jie...n den she turn to me n said "jie jie, u keep for me 1st. after i dun hv cough anymore, den only u give me k?"

T.T how weak i felt at tat time. "How? how could i come bek here to see her again? how? no matter how much i want to...how my dear? how?"

suddenly...a little boy...a very cheerful boy :) fly to us...n we took photos...we bid farewell a few times...bla bla bla...den T.T i heard her say "this jie jie is mine...u go 2her lar (pointing at another fren of mine), she's mine!!" n there they goes "she's mine! she's mine!" T.T u know, i really wish i can gv myself to u too...but how can i?

b4 i really leave d home, again she gave me so many so many hugs n kisses T.T

i really wish i could brg her home or at least gv her a promise tat i'll see her again? but i can't! :( i din wanna leave, but i had to... T.T what an ending!

Oh God, who am i to deserve better den these kids?
i finally see n und...tat everythg mine is not mine...but Yours!
my heart, my knowledge, my life, my hands, my feet...my everythg...so let me gv it back to U...let me do Ur will.
i know now y, mother Mary cries. i know now y, Your eyes r so sad.
pls...give a chance to love this little children.
gv me a chance to take care of them for U.
gv me a chance to protect them for U.
gv me a chance to guide them in their life.
gv me a chance to buy them fried chicken or watever they love to eat.
gv me a chance to go out n offer out wat i have, to all who don't.
or at least gv me a chance to fulfill my promise to them...
n to see them (her) again...
I PROMISE I WILL FIND MY WAY!!

failure is a success in disguise

today...i really feel very fresh...feel lk...im finally awake!
im now in d oncology ward. d ward tat i really hope to be posted to after i graduate. ermm...many would really prefer not to be in ths ward...coz its really not easy for others to see ppl suffering.
today...a patient's husband ask us..."y did we choose to become a nurse" my answer was jz "coz i wanna take care of d sick". "aiyo...tat 1 is jz a very basic reason larr"...hahaha...feel so paiseh :P
true enuf...i was really naive to choose to become a nurse jz bcoz i wanna take care of d sick. ths sem its really kinda stressful...coz being a more senior student...ppl tend to expect alot more from us. n v ourselves or its me who really expect alot from myself. coz i know im gonna be a staff nurse soon. n when i fail...i will feel very down..."argh!!! im such a failure!!!"
God sent 2 angels to me today...they told me "its ok to fail! a person's success is not measured by how many times she made it...but how many times she stand up from her failures!" wow...all ths while its not tat i have never heard of ths...but ths time...i finally und d true meaning behind ths sentence.
i hope i will rmb it for d rest of my life...each n everytime i fail...i will stand up. n in d future...i hope i will still be happy each time i fail...learn from my mistake n get up...n smile proudly instead of sighs after sighs. n to those who simply scolds ppl...or who are rude...i hope tat i will learn patience. "getting scolded is good...if u dun get scolded it'll be worst...coz u won't learn anythg. by getting scolded u will learn." so...even by being treated unfairly...i hope i will learn PATIENCE in return!"
tq so much angels...it really feels lk u're sent to tell me ths msg. i hope u'll win ths battle n stay strong n happy...
* you will weep n mourn while d world rejoices; you will be sorrowful, BUT your grief will be turned into joy (Jn 16:20)
may God bless you always...
tq...for helping me to und wat i dun und n see thgs tat i can't see!
know tat...i'll always always always rmb wat u told me!